I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
