I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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