you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
