i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
