How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
