And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
