Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
