he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
