so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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