If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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