She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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