i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
