I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
