their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
