she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
