I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
