i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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