Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
