Yo dont text me then not text me
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
im holly from the hills drunk
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
