you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
