Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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