the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
