so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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