goodnight i made you a song goodbye
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
