guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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