Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
