My friends, they love my intelligence
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Shame - the story of my life.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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