Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
