This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize