Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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