it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
