M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
