We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i love accidental penises.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
