I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
