Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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