i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
