but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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