I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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