I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
