You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
