once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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