She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
