that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
