I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
