i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
