RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
