Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
