I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I have post one night stand depression
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