she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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