You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
