she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
