FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
