I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
