these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
