dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
