i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
