Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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