Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
