I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
