somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
i think my cat just said my name.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
