how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
