I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
