I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
