whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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