I just saw a hot homeless man
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
