i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
