you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
