when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
