why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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