for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Randomize
