That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
