Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
