My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize