Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
