I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
