can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Randomize
