So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
