A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
