I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
