Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
