My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
