She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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