the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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