im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
