so let's talk penis.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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