Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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