If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize