I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
